“From 8 until late I think about you”
Currently, its 3:43am and I’m wide awake with only the dimmed light from my phone assisting my restless creative energy. They say you do your best thinking at night, but in my opinion you do your best dreaming. Dreaming in the real world. Whether its thinking or dreaming it always seems to dance around the same subject: my husband and my future. My mom use to say the only way to release something that’s trapped inside your mind is to write it down, so as an eight year old I would get up in the middle of the night and write, about any and everything. Books about magical dystopian worlds inside lockers, cars full of Ladybugs and of course, the aforementioned prince charming sweeping me off my feet. Naturally, my favorite was prince charming as I still write to and about him today.
He’s what’s currently keeping me awake, dancing around in my mind like the starts around the moon looking for an escape.
So here’s to me, handing him the key:
A Letter to My Future Husband:
As weird as it sounds, I often walk through the men’s section of stores and wonder what you would look like in, or think about certain pieces of clothing. I’ll pick up a bright double-breasted blazer with gold buttons and white hemming and imagine you in it, and I, proudly on your arm.
I’ll wander through the fragrances with my eyes closed, hoping to catch a whiff of you before our time.
Somehow, I find myself in the Mens’s shoes department. Browsing the selection, from Oxfords to Chelsea boots, overpriced running shoes and distastefully colored Chaco’s I can’t help but laugh at the thought; “Will I have to force myself to like shoes you love? I don’t think I’d mind.
My favorite section, by far, is the ties. I run my fingers endlessly along vibrant silk ties some plain and some as complex as I am, and think about all the fancy places you’ll take me to while wearing an exquisite piece made from the finest silks. You see, I think about you often and that leads me to pray about you daily.
I pray that you’re a thoughtful, kind man. That you’ll have something in common with my mother and be able to make my sister laugh.
I often pray about your family that they keep you covered and show you how love is supposed to look and feel. I pray for your friends, that they let you be a man who has emotions without making you feel less than. I pray for the women that you’ll love before me. That they teach you rather than hurt you.
And above all I pray that you don’t look for me. I pray that you look for God and that through your search for him, he shows you me.
I bought you a tie the other day. I couldn’t resist. When I got home I hung it in my closet and every time I see it I say a prayer for you, a prayer for us. One day, I’ll hand you this prayer soaked tie and it will do for us what it is currently doing for me.
Hope to meet soon,
Your future wife.