Whats Understood Ain’t Gotta Be Explained: The current state of situationships

“My alone feels good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude”

-Warsan Shire

As I’m sitting here, on break from serving tables, I’m scarfing down a reheated quesadilla and some biter lukewarm coffee I can’t help but get sentimental (since I’m sentimental Sally). I’ve had my share of love interests play me to the left with the line “well we’re not actually together” or “I never said we we’re in a relationship.” (As if they’re the only one who gets to dictate relationship status changes). No matter how ashamed we are to admit it, in this age we have all been in some kind of “situationship” where what’s understood doesn’t get explained but desperately needs an explanation. Nothing is more fluid and ambiguous than love without guidelines.

situationships 2.jpg

So, my problem with the “what’s understood aint gotta be explained” relationship is its rarely ever understood, at least the understanding is not mutual. She thinks you’re something serious or at least working towards something serious. And he thinks y’all are just having fun and doing whatever people our age do. We’re too young for real commitment but too old not use our words to explain what we want and who we want it with.

Social media does nothing for these situationships because one party wants to be shown off and the other party wants to make sure they keep their options open “just in case”. The “just in case is the fruit at the bottom of the yogurt. Just in case what? Just in case he violated an “understood” rule or just in case she isn’t all she was on IG? Just in case somebody shows her the attention she wants from you or just in the instance somebody more attractive catches your attention? We’re twenty-year-old sponges sopping up everything we see and hear like when your mom makes your grandmother’s old biscuit recipe. Men are bombarded with images of new age polygamy and respectful disrespect while women are constantly told that our worth is determined by our relationship status or we gotta be “down” with him not matter how he treats us.

I guess what I’m beating around the bush to say is if you like him, tell him. If you want to be with her, tell her. Make sure whatever you want is clearly expressed to who you want it with. Don’t let society tell you how to define your love or through what lense you see the rest of your life. Love is immense and incredible; feel it, don’t fake it. Above all else share your fries! Just because I didn’t want my own doesn’t mean I don’t want some of yours.

                     situationships-picture

Keep your heart Three Stacks!

*pictures curtesy of Abcgo.com and xonecole.com

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